Category Archives: News

Life is so busy!

Couples often move through each day crossing things off lists, completing tasks, and moving from one thing to another. We might briefly check in with our partners or spouses in the morning or at dinnertime, but it’s important to take time for meaningful checkups. These aren’t just opportunities to manage conflict, they’re also chances to acknowledge successes and thank each other for things that often go overlooked. Relationship experts John and Julie Gottman provide a guide for how to navigate these checkups.

Acknowledge five things your partner did that you appreciate. Start the meeting off with this one, and share what personality trait you appreciate about your partner. For example, “I really appreciate how thoughtful you were when you made me coffee this morning.” 

Recognize what’s going right in the relationship. Have an open discussion together about what’s been working or what has improved. For example, perhaps the kids’ schedules have changed and you both needed to rearrange your schedules to get them to practices on time. Or maybe you’ve both been taking a break from your phones at night to reconnect. This is the time to recognize the progress and reiterate what you’re doing well.

Choose an issue to discuss or process mistakes. Conflict is inevitable and healthy for a relationship when handled constructively and without contempt. To maintain a constructive tone, the Gottmans recommend attuning to each other. Attuning involves taking turns being the speaker and the listener. When it’s your turn to be the speaker, express your feelings without blame or criticism. Speak from feelings and needs. For example, “I am feeling tired and overwhelmed from cooking each night this week. I need us to come up with a plan for next week where we share the cooking.” When it’s your turn to listen, engage in non-defensive listening, in which you listen without concentrating on victimizing yourself or reversing the blame.

Ask each other, “What can I do next week to make you feel more loved?” End your checkup by sharing one thing your partner can do for you to foster connectedness. Be specific and share what this looks like. This might sound like, “One thing you can do this week is sit on the porch each morning before work and have a cup of coffee with me.”

When couples engage in the checkup each week, they hold space for each person to feel heard and appreciated in the relationship. Conflict gets cleared away and resentment is released. Commit to one month of weekly checkups and see what it does for your relationship.

There’s a moment that happens in every person’s life—

usually somewhere between finding a rogue sock in the refrigerator and realizing you’ve been reheating the same cup of coffee for the last three hours—when you think: something’s gotta give.

Maybe it’s the late-night scrolling. Maybe it’s the fact that your child now expects a snack every 17 minutes. Maybe it’s you—hiding in the pantry to eat a granola bar in peace. Whatever it is, welcome to the land of habits.

The good news? Habits aren’t just random routines you fall into—they’re built. Which means they can be un-built too.

Let’s talk about the science behind how that happens.

First, the Habit Loop: Why Your Brain Likes Autopilot

Habits follow a predictable loop:

•  Cue: Something triggers your brain (time of day, emotion, location).
•  Routine: The behavior itself (doom-scrolling, hitting snooze, grabbing chocolate).
•  Reward: The brain boost you get afterward (dopamine hit, relief, distraction).

That 3-step loop is how you ended up needing coffee every morning at exactly 6:47 a.m. It’s also how your toddler somehow knows to ask for a snack every time you get on a phone call.

Creating a New Habit: Start Tiny, Celebrate Weirdly

Trying to overhaul your life with a whole new morning routine, gym schedule, gratitude journal, and kale smoothie all at once? Let’s pause. Research shows that the smaller and more consistent the habit, the more likely it is to stick.

Try this instead:

•  Attach new habits to something you already do. Brush your teeth → do 5 squats. (Congrats, you now work out.)
•  Make it too easy to fail. Want to read more? Start with one paragraph, not a whole chapter.
•  Celebrate immediately. This can be anything from a fist pump to a whispered “Nailed it.” Don’t underestimate the power of rewarding yourself like a toddler who just peed in the potty.

Breaking a Habit: Change the Cue, Not Just the Behavior

Let’s say you want to stop stress-eating gummy bears after dinner. (Asking for a friend.)

Here’s what the behavioral research says:

•  Interrupt the cue. If the kitchen is the trigger, move your after-dinner routine somewhere else. Go outside. Fold laundry. Lock the pantry. Desperate times.
•  Replace the routine. Don’t just not eat the gummy bears. Replace it with something else your brain can latch onto—like tea, a walk, or a dance party with your kids that turns into chaos but at least doesn’t involve corn syrup.
• Make the old habit hard. Put barriers in place. If it takes 45 seconds to find the gummy bears and open a childproof lid, you might rethink it long enough to not go through with it.

Why Habits Matter at Mandala

We see habit loops play out every day in therapy. A child screams when asked to clean up? That scream is a routine that’s getting reinforced. A parent unintentionally gives extra attention to whining but not to asking nicely? That’s a pattern just waiting to be reshaped.

Whether it’s sleep routines, transitions, or emotional regulation, building or breaking habits boils down to this:

•  Know the cue
•  Adjust the routine
•  Reinforce the behavior you want to see

Sounds simple—but it’s not always easy.

Your habits aren’t a reflection of your character—they’re just patterns your brain found efficient. With the right strategies, support, and some behavioral know-how, you can rewrite those patterns. One cue at a time.

And if all else fails, just remember: even your coffee habit started with a single sip.

Vicky Holland, M.A., BCBA 

Director of Clinical Services 

All the fun, travel, and activities of summer can also come with feelings of chaos and stress.

The schedules that kept us on track throughout the school year are now taking a break and we are often flying by the seat of our pants! While enjoying all that summer has to offer, it’s also important to incorporate ease, space, and mindfulness so we can actually enjoy the fun things we plan. Mindfulness is simply the practice of paying attention, without judgement. It’s taking a moment to notice feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and bodily sensations, and it can often leave us feeling rejuvenated and calm. Here are three easy ways to increase mindfulness for you and your family this summer:

1. Breathing Exercises: Mindful breathing actually sends messages to our brain that we are OK and safe. Here are some ways to slow down, breathe with intention, and reset. Take a break to breathe intentionally for 3-5 minutes.
   1. Belly Breathing = Close your eyes. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly. Inhale deeply, feeling your belly rise, and exhale, feeling it fall.
   2. Box Breathing = Inhale for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold for four. Repeat.
   3. Blowing Out Candles = Hold your hand in front of your face with your fingers spread out wide. Take a deep breath in and imagine blowing out each finger like a candle. Fold each finger down as you blow it out.
2. Take a Tech Break: Technology use is an integral part of our lives, but overuse can lead to increased anxiety and depression. It also hinders problem-solving, communication, and self-motivation. Put the phones and tablets away and color, draw, stretch your body, or do a breathing exercise.
3. Take a Walk in Nature: Get outside; it’s that simple! Leave the phones at home and take an easy walk around the neighborhood, through the woods, or at the beach. You can even do one of the breathing exercises while you’re at it. Afterwards, have a conversation as a family about what you all look forward to or enjoyed about the day.

These mindfulness moments might be easy, but that doesn’t mean incorporating them into your days will be. Stay committed and go easy on yourself if you forget or it doesn’t feel like it’s “working” right away. New routines and skills take time to build, so take it one day at a time and celebrate yourself and your family when you commit to being mindful, because it really matters!

Vacations are supposed to be relaxing, right?

But if you’re a parent, you know that travel can bring a little more chaos than calm—especially when your child thrives on structure. The good news? You can keep a sense of routine while still enjoying a change of scenery.

Try to hold on to the “big” routines, like the morning and bedtime flow. Even if the day’s activities are totally different, starting and ending the day in a familiar way helps your child feel more secure. With that being said, keep brushing teeth, getting dressed, reading that same bedtime book—whatever your child is used to. These little anchors make a big difference.

Using a simple visual schedule can be super helpful, especially when your child is in a new environment. Whether it’s a written list, pictures on your phone, or a quick sketch, showing your child what’s coming next helps things feel predictable. You don’t need to plan every moment—just give them a general sense of how the day will go. Letting them help cross things off or check in with the schedule adds a nice sense of control, too.

Before big changes—like a long car ride, skipping nap, or staying in a hotel—it’s helpful to talk things through ahead of time. Keep it simple and upbeat, and walk them through what to expect. This gives your child time to adjust and ask questions. A little prep talk can go a long way toward preventing meltdowns when things don’t look or feel “normal.”

Remember that behavior might look different when the routine is off, and that’s totally okay. Try to keep your own responses consistent—what you say, how you say it—and offer breaks or downtime if your child seems overwhelmed. You know what helps them regulate, so build in those moments of calm where you can. It can also help to bring a few favorite things from home, like a stuffed animal, a well-loved book, or even their usual toothpaste. These familiar items can make new places feel a little more comfortable.

At the end of the day, it’s not about doing everything perfectly—it’s about creating a rhythm that helps your child feel safe and supported, no matter where you are. Keep it flexible, keep it fun, and know that you’re doing a great job helping your child feel at home—even on the go.

How many times have you and your partner had the same argument over and over again? For so many of us, we relive disagreements countless times, often amping up the intensity each time we engage. According to psychologists and researchers John and Julie Gottman, this repetition and lack of progress causes relationship gridlock and may symbolize a profound difference between you and your partner’s personality and lifestyle preferences.

The good news is that these differences don’t mean the end of the relationship. By avoiding some common mistakes couples make during conflict, you can repair and rebuild.

For many working moms, summer can feel like more of a juggling act than a season of sunshine and play. Without the support of full-time help, and with kids out of school, what should be a joyful time of bonding and relaxation often becomes a pressure cooker of stress, scheduling, and guilt.

But what if this summer could be different?

At Mandala Family Wellness, we understand that the modern mother wears many hats—professional, parent, planner, peacekeeper. And we also believe that with a few intentional shifts, summer can become a time of both ease and togetherness.

We all know the stress that can come with financial uncertainty. Whether it’s unexpected expenses or just trying to make every dollar stretch, managing family wellness on a budget can feel overwhelming. But here’s the good news: It doesn’t have to be. With a little planning, a few smart strategies, and some creativity, you can keep your family feeling their best without breaking the bank.

Let’s talk about language! While often used interchangeably with speech, the two are distinct. Speech refers to the physical act of producing sounds and forming words, while language is how we communicate and use words to share ideas, thoughts, and feelings. Language development is one of the most exciting aspects of a child’s growth, and as a speech-language pathologist (SLP), I often hear parents ask, “Is my child’s language development on track?” While each child develops at their own pace, there are general milestones that can help guide expectations. Below, I’ve outlined key language milestones by age and practical ways parents can support their child’s communication skills.

For families raising children with special needs, the home is more than just a place to live—it’s a sanctuary. It’s where families seek comfort, find moments of peace, and rebuild their energy for another day of caregiving. Creating intentional spaces in the home—areas that are purposefully designed to meet both the needs of the child and the well-being of the entire family—can play a crucial role in supporting everyone’s physical, emotional, and mental health.

Intentional spaces are more than just functional—they’re spaces that nurture, comfort, and allow for self-care, relaxation, and connection. Whether your child’s needs involve developmental disabilities, sensory processing disorders, or physical challenges, having spaces that are designed with these needs in mind can make a world of difference.

Here’s how you can create intentional spaces in your home for your child with special needs and for your whole family.