Category Archives: News

Creating Intentional Spaces

Creating Intentional Spaces in the Home for Family Self-Care

For families raising children with special needs, the home is more than just a place to live—it’s a sanctuary. It’s where families seek comfort, find moments of peace, and rebuild their energy for another day of caregiving. Creating intentional spaces in the home—areas that are purposefully designed to meet both the needs of the child and the well-being of the entire family—can play a crucial role in supporting everyone’s physical, emotional, and mental health.

Intentional spaces are more than just functional—they’re spaces that nurture, comfort, and allow for self-care, relaxation, and connection. Whether your child’s needs involve developmental disabilities, sensory processing disorders, or physical challenges, having spaces that are designed with these needs in mind can make a world of difference.

Here’s how you can create intentional spaces in your home for your child with special needs and for your whole family.

1. Sensory-Friendly Spaces for Children with Special Needs

Many children with special needs—especially those with sensory processing difficulties—may become overwhelmed by everyday stimuli like noise, bright lights, or even certain textures. Creating sensory-friendly spaces at home offers a safe retreat where your child can self-regulate and find calm when needed.

Here are some tips for building a sensory-friendly space:

  • Soothing Lighting: Avoid harsh fluorescent lights. Use soft, warm lighting, or dimmable lamps that allow you to adjust the brightness. Consider adding calming light features, such as fairy lights or soft-colored lamps, which can create a peaceful environment.
  • Textural Comfort: Offer a variety of soft textures to explore. Weighted blankets, bean bags, plush rugs, and soft cushions can help your child feel comforted and grounded.
  • Sound Control: Noise-canceling headphones or a white noise machine can help dampen external sounds. For children who need soothing auditory input, playing soft music or nature sounds may also help.
  • Movement-Friendly Areas: Movement can be a great way for children to release energy and reduce stress. A designated area for safe, controlled movement—such as a mini-trampoline, therapy swing, or even a padded floor area for rolling around—can be incredibly beneficial.
  • Fidget Tools and Sensory Boxes: Keep a sensory box filled with items like textured balls, squishy toys, or calming visuals. These tools help children manage stress and stay focused during times when they need to relax.

2. Quiet Spaces for Caregivers

Caregiving can be both physically and emotionally demanding, and it’s easy for caregivers to become exhausted when they constantly put their child’s needs before their own. That’s why creating spaces for caregivers to relax and recharge is essential.

A quiet, restful space is one where caregivers can find moments of solitude and self-care. Here’s how to design a restorative caregiver space:

  • Comfortable Seating: Choose a comfortable chair or cozy corner where you can unwind. It could be a reading nook, a recliner, or a space where you can engage in activities like knitting, journaling, or even just taking a moment to breathe.
  • Soothing Atmosphere: Create a calm environment by using calming colors, natural elements like plants, and ambient lighting. A small indoor water fountain or essential oil diffuser with lavender or chamomile can further enhance the relaxation.
  • Tech-Free Zone: Having a space away from screens—like phones or computers—can be incredibly restorative. Disconnecting helps you recharge mentally and emotionally, especially after long days of caregiving.
  • Decluttered Space: Keep this area minimalistic and free from clutter. A clutter-free environment helps ease the mind and fosters a sense of calm.

3. Family Connection Spaces

Families of children with special needs often deal with daily challenges, which can make it easy to feel disconnected at times. That’s why having spaces where the entire family can come together—without distraction—is important for fostering connection and creating lasting memories.

Some ideas for a family connection space include:

  • Shared Activity Zone: Set aside a space in your home where everyone can gather for family activities. Whether it’s board games, puzzles, arts and crafts, or shared playtime, having a designated area for family bonding creates a routine that brings everyone closer.
  • Dedicated Family Mealtime Space: The dining table is a central space for many families, offering an opportunity to share meals and stories. Make mealtime special by setting aside time for shared family dinners, making the most of the connection this brings.
  • Cozy Corner for Relaxation: Create a comfortable area where your family can wind down together. This could include a comfortable couch for movie nights, a blanket fort for reading together, or a soft rug for everyone to pile onto for quiet time.

4. Learning and Independence Spaces

Encouraging your child to explore their potential and work towards independence can be incredibly empowering. By creating learning-friendly spaces at home, you provide opportunities for growth, skill-building, and self-discovery.

Here’s how to set up a learning space:

  • Organized Learning Stations: Create stations with educational tools and materials that your child can access independently. For example, an art station with supplies, a reading nook with books, or a sensory play area with activities that support development.
  • Visual Schedules and Cues: For children with developmental disabilities, a visual schedule can help them understand their routine and reduce anxiety. Clear, visual cues for daily tasks (like brushing teeth, getting dressed, etc.) can also foster independence and make transitions smoother.
  • Play Areas for Motor Skills Development: Set up play areas that help develop fine and gross motor skills. This could include puzzles, building blocks, or toys that encourage movement, balance, and coordination.

5. Outdoor Spaces for Movement and Exploration

Outdoor spaces provide children with special needs the opportunity to explore, move, and engage with nature in a low-pressure environment. Fresh air and physical activity are vital for mental and physical well-being.

To create an outdoor space that nurtures your child’s development:

  • Sensory Garden: A sensory garden with plants that vary in texture, color, and scent can engage your child’s senses and promote sensory exploration in a calm, natural setting.
  • Quiet Outdoor Nook: Set up a hammock or a swing in a corner of your yard to create a peaceful retreat for your child to relax and enjoy nature. This area can offer sensory input like gentle rocking or swinging, which can be soothing.
  • Physical Activity Zones: Consider adding a small trampoline, balance beam, or outdoor play equipment that encourages movement. These spaces promote physical health and can be a source of fun and skill-building.

6. Flexibility and Adaptability

It’s important to remember that intentional spaces should be adaptable. As your child’s needs evolve, these spaces may need to evolve with them. Whether it’s adjusting to a new interest, a change in your child’s behavior, or a shift in their physical abilities, creating flexible spaces allows your home to stay supportive no matter the circumstances.

Final Thoughts

Home should be a place of refuge, comfort, and connection for all family members—especially for those raising children with special needs. By creating intentional spaces in your home, you can meet the unique sensory, developmental, and emotional needs of your child while also fostering well-being and connection for the entire family. Whether through sensory-friendly spaces, quiet retreats for caregivers, or areas designed for learning and play, these spaces help everyone in the family thrive. When designed with love and intention, your home can become a nurturing environment where all family members feel valued, supported, and at peace.

Building Life Skills Through Chores

Chores play a crucial role in a child’s development. 

When children participate in household tasks, they learn valuable life skills that foster future independence, as well as providing them an opportunity to bond and contribute to the family dynamic. Chores can be used as time to build relationships between family members, and teach children the foundations of skills needed to become successful and independent in the future.

Simple responsibilities like making their bed, tidying up toys, or helping with dinner teach children about responsibility, time management, and the value of hard work. These tasks also foster a sense of independence and self-reliance, essential qualities that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Beyond practical skills, chores contribute significantly to a child’s emotional and social development. Completing tasks around the house gives children a sense of accomplishment and boosts their self-esteem. It shows them that they are capable and that their contributions are important to the family unit. Additionally, working together on household tasks can strengthen family bonds, as it creates opportunities for communication and teamwork. Children learn to appreciate cooperation and develop empathy by seeing how their actions help others.

One effective way to encourage children to engage in household chores is to start small and build gradually. Introduce one simple task at a time and offer a reward upon completion to praise positive behavior. For instance, once all the toys are put away, a small treat like a cookie can be given as a reward. This approach helps children associate chores with positive outcomes, making them more willing to participate.

As your child becomes more familiar with their responsibilities, maintaining motivation can be achieved through the use of a chore chart. A chore chart not only provides a visual representation of their tasks but also offers a sense of accomplishment as they track their progress. Tailor the chart to suit your family’s needs and values, listing each chore and allowing your child to earn a sticker for each completed task.

Once a certain number of stickers are accumulated, they can be exchanged for a larger reward that aligns with your family’s values. This could include privileges like choosing a family movie, selecting the dinner menu, or earning a day off from chores. By incorporating these structured and motivational strategies, children are more likely to develop a positive attitude toward their responsibilities and contribute meaningfully to the household.

Incorporating chores into your child’s routine can also prepare them for future challenges. As they grow older, they will be better equipped to handle responsibilities, manage their time effectively, and balance multiple tasks. These skills are essential for success in school, work, and personal relationships. Encouraging your child to take part in household chores is not just about keeping the house tidy; it’s an investment in their overall development and future success.

Navigating Mom Guilt

Navigating Mom Guilt: Finding Balance While Chasing Your Dreams

If you’re a mom who works, whether it’s a 9-to-5, running a business, or pursuing your passion, you’ve probably felt it. That nagging feeling that somehow, you’re letting your kids down by not being with them 24/7. It’s like an uninvited guest that shows up right when you’re trying to focus on a project or enjoy a moment of quiet.

First, let me say this: Mom guilt is normal. It’s a sign of how much you care about your kids. But it doesn’t have to run the show. Here are some thoughts and strategies to work through the feeling and embrace the amazing balance you’re creating for yourself and your family.

Reframe Your Perspective

Instead of seeing time away from your kids as a loss, think of it as an investment in their future. When you work, you’re not only providing financially but also showing your kids what it means to pursue goals and passions. You’re modeling independence, resilience, and a strong work ethic—qualities they’ll carry with them for life.

Quality Over Quantity

You don’t need to be with your kids all day to have a meaningful connection. Focus on quality moments, whether it’s reading a bedtime story, cooking dinner together, or having a five-minute dance party in the kitchen. Those moments add up and create memories that last.

Set Boundaries

It’s easy to feel stretched thin when you’re trying to do everything for everyone. Set clear boundaries between work and family time. When you’re with your kids, be fully present. Put the phone away, close the laptop, and soak up that time. When you’re working, give yourself permission to focus without guilt.

Communicate With Your Kids

Depending on their age, explain why you work. Let them know that your job or business is important, not just for the family but for you as a person. You’d be surprised at how understanding and proud kids can be when they know the “why” behind your efforts.

Lean on Your Support System

You don’t have to do it all alone. Whether it’s your partner, family, friends, or a hired babysitter, having a support system can lighten the load. It’s okay to ask for help and take time for yourself when you need it.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re doing your best, and that’s enough. No one can pour from an empty cup, so take time to recharge. Whether it’s a long bath, a good book, or a coffee date with a friend, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

Celebrate the Wins

It’s easy to focus on what you’re not doing, but don’t forget to celebrate what you are doing. Did you finish a big work project? Celebrate. Did you make it to your child’s soccer game despite a crazy schedule? Celebrate. Life’s about progress, not perfection.

Final Thoughts

Mom guilt is tough, but it doesn’t have to define your journey. You’re not just a mom—you’re a whole person with dreams, ambitions, and a lot of love to give. Balancing work and family isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Your kids are lucky to have a role model who shows them how to work hard and love deeply.

So next time mom guilt creeps in, take a deep breath, give yourself grace, and remember: You’re doing an amazing job.

Parenting Like a Pro

Parenting Like a Pro: 4 Behavioral Tips and Tricks That Work

Parenting is a beautiful, messy, and often challenging journey. We all want to guide our children with love and patience, but let’s face it—some days, it feels like you’re negotiating with tiny lawyers or navigating a landmine field of emotions. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering how to make it through the day without pulling your hair out, these behavioral tips are for you!

“Don’t Say Don’t”: Focus on the Positive

Picture this: you tell your child, “Don’t jump on the couch!” What happens next? Yep, they jump higher, almost as if testing if the springs can catapult them into orbit. The trick? Reframe your language. Instead of “Don’t jump,” say, “Let’s keep our feet on the floor.” Kids respond better to positive instructions that tell them what to do instead of what not to do.

Set Clear Expectations

Have you ever walked into a situation expecting one thing, only to have it turn into something completely different? Frustrating, right? Kids feel the same way. Before heading to the store, let your child know the game plan: “We’re buying groceries, not toys. If you stay by the cart, you can pick out your favorite fruit!” Clear expectations reduce misunderstandings and set everyone up for success.

Motivation and Reinforcement (Not Bribes!)

“Can I have candy if I clean my room?” If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The key difference between reinforcement and bribery is timing. Reinforcement happens after the desired behavior. For example, “You did such a great job cleaning your room! Let’s celebrate with a fun game.” This approach teaches kids the value of effort and accomplishment without relying on instant rewards.

Stay Calm: An Escalated Adult Can’t De-Escalate an Escalated Child

When emotions run high (yours or theirs), hitting the pause button is critical. It’s tempting to meet their yelling with louder yelling, but remember: calm is contagious. Take a deep breath, model the behavior you want to see, and acknowledge their feelings. A simple, “I see you’re upset. Let’s take a minute to breathe and talk,” can work wonders.

Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about learning, growing, and doing your best each day. These tips aren’t magic wands, but they can be powerful tools in your parenting toolkit. So next time you face a parenting challenge, remember: say what you want to see, set expectations, motivate meaningfully, and keep your cool.

You’ve got this!



Dressing Skills: What to Expect and How to Help Your Child Learn

Learning the common age ranges that children are expected to perform specific dressing tasks can greatly minimize frustration and chances that you may expect too much or too little from your child.  Here are some helpful age ranges that children learn to dress:

12-18 months

➢      Cooperates by holding arm out for sleeves and put foot up for shoes

➢      Pushes arms through sleeves and legs through pants

➢      Begins to get undressed

➢      Pulls socks and shoes off

➢      Removes hat

24-30 months

➢      Gets undressed with help for fasteners and sequencing

➢      Helps pull elastic waist pants

➢      Unbuttons one large button

30-36 months

➢      Tries to put on socks

➢      Puts on front button shirt (without buttoning)

3-4 Years

➢      Gets dressed and undressed with minimal help

➢      Puts on shoes

➢      Puts on socks with minimal assistance at times

➢      Pulls down pants

➢      Unzips and zips non-separating zipper

➢      Zips down pants

➢      Buttons large buttons

➢      Snaps

➢      Unbuckles

4-5 Years

➢      Buckles

➢      Connect two-part separating jacket zipper and zips up

➢      Puts on socks correctly

➢      Puts on shoes with minimal assistance

➢      Knows front versus back of clothing

5-7 Years

➢      Dresses without help or supervision

➢      Ties Shoes

 

Dressing Tips To Help Your Child Learn

1. Remember, undressing is easier than dressing!  Expect your child to remove his clothing such as socks, pants, and shirt before he/she can put them on.

2.Loose fitting clothing is easier. Try looser fitting clothing first when practicing dressing with your child.

3.Timing is everything. Allow for extra time when practicing dressing as rushing may cause frustration and may discourage success.  Practice when your child can tolerate a challenge, avoid practicing if your child is tired, hungry, or ill.

4.Use simple directions when describing each task.  Encourage vocabulary such as up, down, in, out, back, front, and behind.  These concepts are important for following directions when learning how to dress.  Use your own clothing to demonstrate on yourself.  Provide physical help as needed and eliminate as your child becomes more proficient at task.

5.Practice with toys. When selecting gifts, there are many toys such as books, puzzles, and stuffed animals that have fasteners (buttons, snaps, buckles, laces).  You can also give your child a doll or teddy bear with infant clothing for dressing and undressing.  Make it fun!

6.Backward is better. Therapists often utilize a strategy known as “backwards training” that helps children achieve success with dressing by starting with smaller steps.  This is by having child accomplish last step of the task first, then proceeding step, and so on.

  1. Step 1:  Adult puts socks over the toes, heel, and ankle; child pulls the sock up the leg.
  2. Step 2:  Adult puts sock over the toes and heel; child pulls sock over the ankle and up the leg.
  3. Step 3:  Adult puts sock over the toes; child pulls sock over the heel, ankle, and leg.
  4. Step 4:  Child puts on sock independently.

7.Start with the weaker or non-dominant side.  If your child has a weaker side, start with that limb and expect child to use stronger arm when pulling shirt sleeve over the weaker hand/arm.

8.Know your parts!  Teach your child across many opportunities their body parts so they can learn ankle, knee, elbow, shoulder, and so on.

9.Consider positioning. If the child’s balance is off, sitting on chair may be easier for lower extremity dressing.  For some children sitting on floor may be easier.  See what works for your child.

10.Praise your child. Focus on what your child did successfully rather on what he/she did not accomplish.  Congratulate your child on doing their best!

100 WAYS TO SAY GOOD JOB

The Power of Varied Praise in Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is one of the most powerful tools for shaping behavior, whether you’re working with children, employees, or even yourself. However, one key to making this tool truly effective is to vary how you deliver praise. It may seem simple—just say “good job” and move on—but the way we give praise has a profound impact on how it is received and how much it motivates future behavior.

Here’s why varying your praise is crucial for lasting, positive change:

1. Prevents Dependency on Praise

When people are repeatedly praised in the same way, they can become reliant on that specific form of recognition. For example, if someone is always told “great job” after completing a task, they might come to expect that phrase every time they perform well. This could create a sense of entitlement or cause them to lose motivation if the praise is not delivered exactly as anticipated. Varying the way you express appreciation prevents this dependency and helps individuals feel more intrinsically motivated to do their best.

 

2. Keeps Praise Meaningful and Fresh

If you praise someone the same way every time, the words can lose their impact. What was once an inspiring “well done” may eventually feel routine or insincere. By switching up your praise—sometimes being specific about what was done well, sometimes focusing on the effort, and sometimes on the result—you keep the feedback fresh and meaningful. This variety maintains the recipient’s engagement and helps them feel that the recognition is genuine and thoughtful. Instead of focusing on just outcomes, you can reinforce behaviors that contribute to long-term success. This tailored feedback gives people clear signals about which behaviors to repeat, leading to more well-rounded growth. For example:

“I really appreciate how you took the initiative to solve that problem.”

“Your attention to detail made a big difference while you were working on math.

“The way I stayed calm when you couldn’t find your keys was impressive.”

 

3. Increases Resilience and Growth Mindset

When praise is varied and emphasizes different aspects of achievement, it helps individuals develop a growth mindset. A growth mindset encourages continuous learning and improvement, rather than viewing success as a static achievement. Praising not only the results but also the effort, strategy, or creativity behind an action fosters resilience. People become more focused on learning from their experiences, knowing that they can grow and improve with each step.

 

4. Enhances Connection

When praise is personalized and thoughtful, it helps to build a strong rapport and connection between the giver and the receiver. This is especially important in environments where relationships matter, such as between parents and children, leaders and their teams, or therapist and their clients. By varying praise, you show that you are paying attention to the individual’s unique strengths and efforts, which deepens trust and rapport. A well-placed, varied compliment demonstrates care and attention, which goes a long way in building lasting relationships.

Conclusion

Varying praise is more than just a way to avoid sounding repetitive—it’s a strategy for enhancing motivation, building resilience, and fostering deeper relationships. When you take the time to offer thoughtful, diverse praise, you create an environment where positive behaviors are consistently reinforced and growth is nurtured in a sustainable, meaningful way. So, the next time you’re giving feedback, remember: a little variety can go a long way.

SUPER!

YAY!

GOOD WORK!

THAT’S IT!

PERFECT!

WONDERFUL!

FINE!

GREAT!

WOW!

TERRIFIC!

OUTSTANDING!

FANTASTIC!

TREMENDOUS!

MARVELOUS!

SUPERB!

SENSATIONAL!

EXCELLENT!

AWESOME

That’s right!

That’s good!

That’s much, much better!

Exactly right!

I’m proud of the way you worked today!

You’re really working hard today!

You are very good at that!

That’s coming along nicely!

I’m happy to see you working like that!

You’re doing that much better today!

You’ve just about got it!

That’s the best you’ve ever done!

You’re doing a good job!

Now you’ve figured it out!

Keeping working on it!

You’re improving!

Now you’ve got it!

You are learning fast!

Good for you!

Couldn’t have done it better myself!

Aren’t you proud of yourself?

That’s quite an improvement!

I knew you could do it!

You rock!

You’re so awesome!

Not bad!

One more time and you’ll have it!

You really make my job fun!

That’s the right way to do it!

You’re getting better every day!

You did it that time!

That’s not half bad!

Nice going!

You haven’t missed a thing!

That’s the way!

That was first class work!

Keep up the good work!

You’ve just about mastered it!

That’s better than ever!

Much better!

Nothing can stop you now!

That’s the way to do it!

You’re doing so great!

Good remembering!

You’ve got that down pat!

You certainly did well today!

Keep it up!

Congratulations. You got it right!

You’ve got your brain in gear today!

That’s better!

You must have been practicing!

You did that very well!

You’re on the right track now!

A-OK!

You’re really going to town, now!

That’s how to handle it!

Now that’s what I call a fine job!

That’s great!

Right on!

You’re really improving!

You did a lot of work today!

Well…look at you go!

That’s it!

I’m very proud of you!

I like that!

Way to go!

Now you have the hang of it!

You figured that out fast!

You remembered!

That’s really nice!

That kind of work makes me happy!

I really like how you did that.

I think you’re doing the right thing!

You’ve got it made!

You’re doing fine!

Good thinking!

You are really learning a lot!

Good going!

I’ve never seen anyone do it better!

Keep on trying!

You out-did yourself today!

Good for you!

I think you’ve got it now!

Awesome job!

Good job, (person’s name)!

*CLAP*

Nurturing Creativity and Energy: Strategies for Managing Your Hyperactive Child

Parenting a hyperactive child can be both a rewarding and challenging experience. These children often possess vibrant imaginations and boundless energy, making them unique and special. However, managing their needs can sometimes feel overwhelming. Here are some effective strategies to help you explore and channel your child’s creativity while providing the structure they need.

1. Create a Routine with Flexibility

While routines can provide stability, flexibility is key for a hyperactive child. Establish a daily schedule that includes time for creative activities, physical play, and quiet time. Allow for some adaptability; if your child is particularly inspired one day, let them explore that passion further, even if it means deviating from the plan.

Tips:

Use visual schedules to help your child understand their daily activities.

Incorporate transitions between activities with fun signals, like a song or a timer.

2. Designate a Creative Space

Having a dedicated space for creativity can help your child focus and express themselves without distractions. This space can be filled with art supplies, musical instruments, or building materials. Encourage your child to personalize this area, making it a special haven for their creative pursuits.

Ideas:

Use an old table or a corner of a room for arts and crafts.

Keep a rotating supply of materials to keep things fresh and exciting.

3. Encourage Physical Activity

Hyperactive children often have excess energy that can be channeled into physical activity. Regular exercise not only helps manage energy levels but also boosts mood and creativity. Explore different activities together, such as dance, martial arts, or team sports.

Suggestions:

Schedule daily outdoor time where your child can run, jump, and play.

Try activities that combine movement with creativity, like dance or drama classes.

4. Utilize Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Teaching your child mindfulness can help them learn to manage their energy and emotions. Simple breathing exercises, yoga, or meditation can provide tools for self-regulation and relaxation.

Activities:

Practice deep breathing together when your child feels overwhelmed.

Use guided meditation apps designed for children to make it engaging.

5. Explore Different Creative Outlets

Allow your child to experiment with various forms of creativity. They might enjoy drawing, painting, music, writing, or building. Encourage them to try new things without the pressure of perfection, fostering a love for the creative process itself.

Ways to Explore:

Set up themed art projects or challenges to spark their imagination.

Encourage storytelling sessions where they can create and narrate their own tales.

6. Connect with Nature

Nature can be a powerful source of inspiration and calm for hyperactive children. Outdoor activities not only provide physical exercise but also stimulate the imagination. Plan regular trips to parks, gardens, or nature trails.

Activities to Consider:

Go on nature walks and collect items for art projects.

Have outdoor picnics where your child can draw or write inspired by their surroundings.

7. Incorporate Creative Learning

Combine learning with creativity. Use hands-on projects to teach new concepts, making learning engaging and fun. This approach helps keep your child focused and interested, turning what could be a struggle into an adventure.

Examples:

Use science experiments to spark curiosity and creativity.

Integrate arts and crafts into lessons about history or culture.

8. Encourage Social Interaction

Socializing with peers can help hyperactive children develop social skills while also providing a creative outlet. Organize playdates or group activities where they can share their interests and collaborate on projects.

Ideas:

Set up art days with friends to encourage teamwork and sharing.

Join community classes or groups that focus on creativity and movement.

Conclusion

Managing a hyperactive child requires patience, creativity, and understanding. By providing structured yet flexible environments and opportunities for expression, you can nurture their natural talents and energy. Embrace the journey of exploration together, celebrating their unique creativity and spirit. Remember, your support and encouragement will help them thrive both creatively and emotionally.

Turning Towards versus Turning Away

Many couples search for the one thing that will alter the course of their relationship and guarantee success.

The “50% divorce rate” statistic has been thrown around for years, but what if there was a more accurate data point that showed what successful couples are doing to make their relationships last? Dr. John Gottman studied couples for six years after they got married and found that they were much better at one thing than couples who separated, turning towards instead of turning away from each other. In fact, according to the Gottman Institute, 86% of couples who stayed together turned towards and couples that divorced only did so 33% of the time.

So, what is turning toward and turning away? We make bids towards our partners every single day. Dr. Gottman identifies a bid as any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection. Bids range widely from a smile or a glance to an ask for help. Our lives are busy, and with the endless distractions throughout each day, we all miss bids. The successful couples, however, make a conscious an effort to recognize their partner’s bids and make bids as well.

Turning towards a bid can look like showing interest in something your partner is doing. It can also look like acknowledging a heavy sigh after work by asking about their day or greeting them with a hug. Missing a bid can be disappointing for your partner and missing many bids can build resentment over time. Intentional rejection of a bid can be devastating and hurtful. The more often both partners make bids and turn towards each other builds increased trust, intimacy, and connection.

The first way to start turning towards your partner is by paying attention. You will start to notice both what your partner is saying, but also what they aren’t saying. The subtext, such as tone or body language, is equally important. Don’t be afraid to ask what your partner needs or how you can help. It’s ok to say something like, “I am making a bid for affection.” You and your partner will be on the same page with the bid and increase the familiarity of turning towards versus turning away. Pause, look, listen, and turn towards to build connection within your relationship

Perpetual Problems: Are You Just Spinning Your Wheels?

Conflict is inevitable, especially when managing hectic schedules, work demands, and stressors such as financial strain, family dynamics, or caring for aging parents. While we can’t eliminate conflict, we can understand more about how we show up in moments of conflict, particularly with our partner. If we understand our defaults in habits, we can learn to implement antidotes and reduce or even eliminate harmful effects on our relationships.

It’s important to first identify whether a problem is solvable or perpetual. Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman from The Gottman Institute have conducted extensive research with couples over four decades and report that approximately 70% of relationship conflict is about perpetual problems. These perpetual problems are rooted in each person’s fundamental differences and perspectives; they feel like they will never be solved. When couples focus on perpetual problems, they enter gridlock and eventually engage in emotional disengagement. It can feel like we are constantly spinning our wheels!

One way to reduce the effects of perpetual problems is engage in dialogue about the underlying issues that hide beneath the perpetual problem. For example, a couple might repeatedly argue about how much money one partner spends on groceries and dining out every week. By engaging in open dialogue without trying to solve the problem or repeating the same arguments over and over, the couple might come to realize the food purchases are rooted in a childhood of neglect and a lack of resources. The Gottman Method encourages partners to develop skills for navigating conflict by enhancing a couples’ friendship to create shared meaning, which includes shared goals, symbols, and rituals.

According to The Gottman Institute, what matters is not solving perpetual problems, but rather the way in which they are discussed. The goal should be to establish a dialogue about the perpetual problem that communicates acceptance of your partner with humor, affection, and even amusement. This approach can help reduce gridlock and resentment. Stop spinning your wheels! Instead of insisting on solving perpetual problems, pause and engage in open, honest dialogue with your partner.

Navigating Holiday Breaks

The holiday season is often a time filled with joy, celebration, and family gatherings.

However, for neurodivergent children, these breaks can sometimes lead to increased anxiety and maladaptive behaviors. The disruption of routines, unexpected changes, and heightened sensory experiences can create challenges for these children. Fortunately, with a little preparation and the right strategies, we can make this time more enjoyable for everyone involved.

One of the most effective ways to support children during the holiday break is to prepare them for what lies ahead. This means discussing the plans in advance and explaining that sometimes things don’t go exactly as we envision. For example, if a family gathering might be different than usual—perhaps a change in location or unexpected guests—let them know ahead of time. Introducing calming strategies during these conversations can help children feel more equipped to handle the unknown. Techniques like deep breathing, counting, or having a designated quiet space to retreat to can provide them with tools to manage their feelings when faced with surprises.

Another way to make the holiday season more enjoyable is to highlight fun activities that are unique to this time of year. Talk to your child about special traditions, treats, or outings that aren’t part of the usual routine. This could be baking holiday cookies, watching festive movies, or visiting holiday markets. Focusing on these positive experiences not only builds excitement but also offers children something to look forward to, helping them shift their mindset from anxiety to anticipation.

Finally, maintaining consistent expectations during holiday breaks is crucial. Just because the schedule is different doesn’t mean the expectations should change. Whether it’s using polite language, following household rules, or respecting others’ personal space, keeping these standards in place can provide a sense of stability. When children know what is expected of them, they are more likely to feel secure and adjust to the changes around them. By reinforcing these expectations gently but firmly, you can help them transition back to their regular routines with less resistance after the holidays.

By taking these steps—prepping for surprises, focusing on fun activities, and maintaining clear expectations—you can create a more positive holiday experience for children with varying needs. With a little patience and planning, we can all enjoy the festivities while supporting the unique needs of every child. Happy holidays!